3 Ways Happy Couples Count The Wins In: Marriage, Parenting, & Finances

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relationshipsWe love good news. We love hearing about big wins in your relationships, your finances, and your parenting. Some years it is easier than others, but counting your “wins” for the year sure beats a lot of the negativity in the world right now.

 

We have developed a habit that every year we look back over the year and count the “wins” – the improvements, the efforts, and the successes – from the last year. We do this as a couple, as a family, and often with our clients.

 

We saw a lot of positive, happy people this year when we discussed their growing portfolios and improving relationships. It’s great to see so many smiles on faces and know that it is not just about numbers; they’re seeing improvements in their relationships too.

 

In fact, U.S. Consumer confidence index was off the charts. Americans haven’t felt this good about the economy since November 2000. Research shows a. more jobs, unemployment at a 17-year low, b. more growth, two quarters in a row of 3% growth, not seen since 2004.

 

Each year we take time to look back and ask, “What were our “wins”’ in three categories:

 

  • As a couple
  • As parents
  • With our finances

 

Your wins don’t have to be huge, earth-shattering victories. Count the small ones too. If you can’t think of anything right off the bat … keep thinking. Something went right this past year!

 

Some years are so busy it’s difficult to even recall what happened. Scroll back through your camera roll on your phone, page back through your calendar, or maybe even look at your Facebook posts.

 

As a couple did you:

  • Find a new hobby
  • Consistently care for one another
  • Finally get that date night happening
  • Laugh a lot
  • Involve each other in decisions
  • Get intentional about love and respect

 

With your money did you:

  • Practice honesty, even when it was difficult
  • Cut back in areas you agreed on
  • Start a college savings plan
  • Max out your IRA
  • Start a business
  • Find better insurance
  • Take steps towards starting a “side gig”
  • Give more to your church or a nonprofit

 

As parents did you:

  • Connect often with your kids
  • Listen
  • Discuss clear expectations
  • Teach them “life lessons”
  • Apologize when your behavior didn’t measure up
  • Explain or discuss challenges
  • Include them in some money management decisions
  • Meet their friends

 

There are many, many ways to find something positive you did this past year. There is at least one “win” in everyone’s life. Make sure you look closely. Up the bar and maybe find one a month or a one a quarter?

 

We found some wins this year in our relationship:

  • Date night almost every week this year
  • Saw more movies than we have in years
  • Really enjoyed time together (not talking work at all).

 

We enjoyed some wins with our kids too:

  • We made family dinner a priority and enjoyed talking with our boys about their day’s “high’s and low’s”.
  • Our son, Cole, joined a suicide prevention team at school and he is a huge source of information to our family and friends and his classmates about that tragic trend.
  • Cade, our youngest, really learned to advocate for himself this year. He is learning valuable, lifelong skills about talking to adults and communicating his questions.

 

We had financial wins too:

  • Our move to a new office space for The Money Couple and Defined Wealth.
  • Continued our priority of complete honesty and transparency about money and decisions (which not only improves our relationship, but our finances too).

 

What a great year! We feel incredibly blessed. We count your desire to learn more about improving your relationship and your finances as a big “win” in our life. So, thank you very much!

 

We’d love to hear your “wins” from this year. Tell us on Facebook or twitter.

 

Even in difficult years – and we have had several – we found a “win” somewhere in the past and we hope can too.

 

Happy New Year!

Make it happen!

 

Other resources for a great start:

A New Way to Make Money Resolutions Pay Off

Handy Apps To Share Your Money As A Couple

Teach Your Kids About Money With Vacation Planning

A New Way to Make Money Resolutions Pay Off

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money resolutionsMoney resolutions sound more painful than the office Christmas party. But…just like showing up to see the boss wear the fuzzy hat and tell lame jokes, money resolutions are important to your future.

 

But resolutions are tricky.

 

The research says 80% of New Year’s Resolutions fail by February.

 

Which categories go down in flames the fastest? 1. Healthy eating and 2. Improving our finances.

 

Making a money resolution or getting your financial “house” in order is second only to losing weight. But if those resolutions are #1 and #2 that means they are important to a lot of us. So it pays to take time and sort out how to improve the success of our resolutions.

 

The experts say in order to not be a part of those statistics you should break down your resolution into little steps.

 

We love that idea on both fronts: smaller money resolution “bites” that are manageable along with smaller bites of our favorite pizza. (Have you ever met a pizza you didn’t like? Same with us.)

 

We probably won’t be much help on the health resolutions (see our comment on pizza), but money and relationships are our passion so we’ve thought of a few tricks to make your money resolutions pay off this year.

 

Break your money resolutions into three categories and choose one resolution from each category (if you complete it and want to go for two, do it!):

Profitable Money Resolutions:

Money Resolution #1 – Improve Your Finances

There is an infinite amount of “good things” you can do to improve your financial situation, BUT that endless list is sometimes where we get overwhelmed and just tap out.

 

This year choose one financial resolution you’d like to focus on. If you pick too many large goals you are more likely to feel failure when you don’t complete them. Who can save for a house, start a business, and eliminate thousands of dollars of debt in one year?

 

Pick ONE helpful, doable resolutions with a good impact on your new year.

 

  1.  Automate your savings. We recommend an app like Qapital where you can set it to round up your spare change on a purchase to the next dollar amount and it moves that money into an FDIC insured account.
  2.  Evaluate your life insurance. Do you need more? Is there a better product? Are you over-insured?
  3.  Conquer a percentage of your debt. Pick a fun number, i.e. 77% or 51%. Get real with your debt responsibilities and then chunk it up. Remember to celebrate each month as you near your goal (track your progress on your fridge or your bathroom mirror so you can watch that debt shrink!).

 

 

Money Resolution #2 – Invest in Your Relationship

We may both be financial planners, but we think your relationship is more important than your money. So make sure you invest in that priceless relationship this year.

 

  1.  Choose honesty. This year make a resolution to say, “I am not going to tell money lies or fudge the truth to my partner. This means no secret accounts, hiding of money, or lying about expenses. Resolve to be 100% transparent with one another. We call lack of financial honesty, “Financial Infidelity”.
  2.  Budget for a weekly date night.  Date nights are so important to keep your relationship “young”. Allocate that money and think of those funds as a “use it or lose it” account. If you put money aside the person who never thinks you can afford it can’t argue with your weekly plans.  Invest in each other.
  3.  Get your financial papers and accounts pulled together so both know where it all is.  If something were to happen to one of you it is important that everything is easily accessible, i.e. birth certificates, insurance documents, passwords, etc.

 

We know we said to choose ONE of from each category, but we’d really love it if everyone would honesty AND another item to improve their relationship this year. Thanks!

 

Money Resolution #3 – Educate Your Kids About Money

Choose an area of your finances to educate your children on, depending on their ages. Any age is a great age to teach your children something useful about money management. They’re never too old to learn (regardless of the eye rolls).

 

  1.  Open a savings account or a 529 or an IRA. Educate them on the savings vehicle, how to make it grow, and the potential future uses of that money.
  2.  Buy a stock that interests them and teach them how to track it. Some young ones may really enjoy investing, while others not as much. Every person in your house views money differently. And that goes for your kids too.
  3.  Teach them how the cell phone bill works. We have a 14 and 16 year old and this year we are going to teach them how to analyze the bill because they don’t realize data and minutes make a difference. We may even change Cole’s name to “Mr. Data” because he takes so much of it.

 

Pick and choose 3 resolutions this year. You can do it! Pick a winner because any forward progress you make pays off.

 

Pick smaller goals this year. Instead of I resolve to “not be in debt” this year, go smaller and more specific.

 

This is your year for better finances, relationships, and the opportunity to arm your children with money management skills and education. The time you invest will pay off.

Make it happen!

Watch this quick interview about making your money resolutions pay off.

Is There Science Behind Kids Who LOVE Gifts and Those Who Don’t?

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Why do some kids get soooo excited about receiving gifts and some aren’t quite as enthused?  Have you ever noticed that?  Do an experiment, if you will.  As you approach the gift-giving season watch the people around you.  Watch their reaction, watch how they get excited (or not), watch how they engage with the whole gift-giving extravaganza.

Let’s look at siblings, Mindy and Josh:

Mindy’s reaction to “present time” goes something like this:

Before she even opens her present she is clenching her fists because she can’t even wait to open it.  She tears the paper off the present and can’t believe that it is exactly what she wanted, a brand new Barbie set. She quickly sets it aside because she knows there are more presents to come and she can’t wait to dive into those too.

Josh’s reaction to “present time”:

Mom,“Come on Josh, finish your breakfast, it’s time to open presents”.  

“Oh, okay mom.” He mumbles as he finishes up and moseys on over.  

Dad smiles with anticipation. “Here is your gift, Josh.”  

Josh smiles. Slowly and meticulously he opens his gift, making sure not to tear the paper. When he finally opens the box, sure enough, it is the new remote controlled car he mentioned months ago.  His reaction– “Oh, thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. It’s nice.” He starts freeing the car from the package so he can play with it. But Mom’s voice interrupts his thoughts, “Wait, Josh, we have more presents to open”. He says–yep, you guessed it–“Oh, okay mom.”

How could a brother and sister have such different reactions to gifts?  Let me unwrap (yes, pun intended) the science behind it.

You see, Mindy’s Money Personalities are Primary: Spender, Secondary: Risk Taker. How can you tell? Well Spenders LOOOOVE gifts and Risk Takers LOVE lots of new adventures or, in this case, lots of different gifts.  

Josh’s Money Personalities, on the other hand, are Primary: Security Seeker and Secondary: Saver. You can identify his Security Seeker by his handling of the wrapping paper and his Saver is evident when he wasn’t expecting more presents.

Why is this important?  Everyone has 2 Money Personalities. Kids and adults. And they are hard-wired into your DNA just like your height or the color of your eyes. Your children and their Money Personalities are both very different and critical for how they will feel about and use money in their future.  

You may be able to see your child’s 2 Money Personality combination in the way they open their gifts this holiday season. (Want to be sure? Have them take our free, confidential, Money Personality Assessment.)

Keep their preferences in mind and your expectations too when you select gifts for them this year.  To learn about ways to handle a Spenders’ “gimme’s” and how to help a Saver splurge once in awhile, check out our book The 5 Money Conversations To Have With Your Kids at Every Age and Stage – from ages 5-25 and learn how to speak to them about gifts and money in a way they can hear you.

We would love to hear about your gift-giving discoveries in the comments below.

Enjoy this Christmas season!  We have so much to be thankful for!

Make it Happen,

Scott & Bethany Palmer

The Money Couple

Uncover Your Child’s Money Management Style With Halloween Candy

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Want to know something spooky?

You can uncover your kid’s money management style by watching them with their Halloween goodies. Watch closely and their behavior with their door-to-door haul will teach you more about your kids’ approach to money than you ever thought.

 

3 Things To Consider While You Observe:

  1.    Your child’s first form of “currency” is candy!

When kids are young, they don’t really care about money. Their candy is their “currency”. Watch what they do with it.  It will show you a lot about your kids.

candy, money

  1. How they handle their candy will tell you how they will handle their money.

Do they save it? Our nephew one year saved his Halloween candy for an entire year. He didn’t want to run out before the next opportunity to get more. We could tell when he was young, he is a Saver! Even today he already has an auto detailing business at his young age and he saves like crazy!

 

Do they eat it quickly? This is often a Spender! Scott was like this as a child. He just ate it quickly. No time like the present for a person with a Spender Money Personality, and not much thought of tomorrow (or cavities).

 

Do they trade their candy? This child is, what we would call, a Risk Taker. Bethany traded her candy with her little brother. She liked using her “currency” to make deals. And how handy to have a younger brother when you’re making deals. Right?

 

Do they organize it? Our son, Cole, organizes it! He is a Security Seeker. These kids want to make sure everything is in the perfect pile. Most kids get a stomach ache from eating too much chocolate, but these kiddos might get a belly ache if they don’t get a chance to assess their haul before anyone tries to eat it. They want to know–what they know! They will be wonderful planners in the future.

 

Do they give it away? This person is, what we refer to as, a Flyer. They value relationships over money. A friend of ours has a Flyer child who likes to share their candy with their fellow trick-or-treaters as they go door-to-door. They can’t wait to get home and give mom and dad their favorites, just to see them smile. They enjoy their “currency” most when they can make a memory with someone. They probably won’t be the “go-to” budget guru in their family, but they certainly will have a lot of happy friends.

 

  1.  Why does my child handle their candy the way they do?

People ask us if their kid’s Money Personalities come from their parenting style or from their DNA. The age old “nature vs. nurture” debate. Well, at least as far as Money Personalities are concerned – we say it’s in their DNA. After all, did anyone tell you how to consume your candy? Nope. You just did what came naturally.

 

Wonder what your Money Personalities are? You can, a. steal their candy, HA!, or b. take the free, online Money Personality Assessment to confirm your hunch about your Primary and Secondary Money Personalities.

 

Have a great Halloween candy story from your childhood? Please share it below. Thanks.

Happy Halloween!

 

Make it happen!

Scott & Bethany Palmer

For more treats (no tricks) follow us on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.

 

Other Parenting Resources:

[Video] What Cleaning Your House Can Teach Your Kids About Money

[Blog] Vacation Planning Tips

 

 

Should You Give Money To Your Adult Child?

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adult child, parenting, personal finance, moneyParenting is a lifelong commitment. The long days and nights when they are little. The rocky teen years. And the coaching, counseling, and care that continues even when “the nest” is empty.

Most parents of post-college-aged kids will tell you, their “children” still have a lot to learn about life, “adulting”, and money management.

Teaching them about money when they were young wasn’t always easy, and even if you gave it your best shot then, you may not see stellar results now.

Over the years we have addressed so many questions from parents of adult children. Should we give them money? Aren’t they just getting started with life? How much is too much? How long is too long? What should we do?

It’s difficult. (But when isn’t parenting a challenge?)

So is it right to give financial handouts to a son or daughter who is “on his or her own”? (True emergencies aside.)

Holding their hand for every step they attempted as a diaper-wearing youngster would have helped avoid a lot of falling, but they would never have learned to walk independently.

Is regularly funding a post-college “child” a bit of the same?

AgeWave in partnership with Merrill Lynch conducted a four-year, 50,000 participant survey to explore some patterns and facts about aging parents and their involvement with their kids. Among other stats they found the average amount given to “adult children” by adults, who are nearing retirement, is $6,800 annually.

Amazed?
So were we. Read more …

We love having you as part of our community.

p.s. Do you have questions or comments about this tricky topic? We would love to hear from you on Facebook or Twitter.

Make it happen!

Scott & Bethany Palmer

The Money Couple

 

Other articles about this topic:

10 Ways To Guarantee You’ll Pay Your Child’s Bills Forever

Money Misunderstandings With Your Adult Child

What Cleaning Your House Can Teach Your Kids About Money

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Summertime is a great time to teach them because when they aren’t in school and may have some extra time on their hands. So, let’s kill two birds with one stone!

Are your kids ever messy? Or is that just ours?

At our house we are passed the mess-on-the-floor-after-lunchtime phase, but it is amazing how much stuff they can spread throughout the house, yard, and garage.

Do you ever have a hard time with your kids not picking up after themselves?

I can’t say we have the magic answer for all messes, but ow happy would you be if you could teach your kids to clean up after themselves while they learn about money at the same time?

Let’s start with reminding our children the bigger reason it is important to pick up after yourself. It’s not just about not tripping over things. When your kids learn to pick up after themselves they learn far more than just how to bend over and put it away. They learn to show respect for their things and others and they even learn a lesson they can apply to their financial future.

A “house of order” leads to a “financial house of order”.

(If either one of us had any desire or skill to sew, we might just stitch that thought on a pillow.) f we can teach our children what a house of order looks and feels like, it has a direct spill over into their financial “house of order” in future years. How do we expect a child to understand how to organize their finances if they don’t first learn to help organize their home.

Knowing you’re helping them see the value of organization for your home AND their financial future almost makes the eye-rolling and feet-dragging tolerable for you. Almost.

Start by making a “house of order” list for your home. Everybody’s order for their home is different. We all have different expectations; are at different stages of life, and have differing amounts of time at home. Creating a list will help spell out for your kids what you expect when you say, “clean up and organize” .

Just the other day, I was teaching Cole how to clean. I told him to take the rag, put it in the bucket, ring it out, and bring it over to me. He put the rag in the bucket, lifted it and wrung it out with one hand. I was amazed. He didn’t know how to ring out a rag! But, to his defense, I don’t know if he’s ever noticed me doing it and I know we’ve never shown him how, so how was he to know there is a better way? If we don’t teach our kids what we expect and then they don’t know how. So it is important to make a list.

Here is an excerpt from our list..

Bedroom:

  • Everything off the floor
  • Bed made
  • Desk and tables neat
  • Clothes in the right bins
  • Lights off if you’re not there
  • Closet door closed
  • Curtains opened

It’s not obvious to them…until you make it obvious to them. Describing the steps this clearly helps them know what to expect.

Make a sample list for your expectations for their money this summer (adjust for age):

  • Work at a job where you get paid (i.e. pull weeds, babysit, fast food, lifeguard, etc.)
  • Deposit your paycheck or have it deposited directly
  • Set a budget for summer spending (i.e. 30% spend, 10% donate, 60% save)
  • Track your savings (“The best ‘scholarship’ your kid can get is a good summer job. Start those savings now!)
  • Determine a charity to share a portion of your earnings
  • Discuss purchases over $40 with us

Young brains are a scramble of thoughts, emotions, learning, and … well, we’re not sure what else is going on up there, so help them organize their life by organizing their room, the house, and their money.

Check out our Sample House of Order List!

If we stop picking up after our kids in the house, we won’t be picking up for our kids, financially, 20 years down the road.

How Your Vacation Can Teach Your Kids About Money

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Vacation is an amazing time to teach your kids about money. The good, the bad and the ugly all comes out when you are spending time with your family. Maybe it’s the close quarters, maybe it’s because mom and dad see that they are spending WAY MORE than quarters, but whatever it is take a deep breath and then take this opportunity to help your kids understand money a little better.

#1 Let Your Kids Pick An Adventure!

First, they research vacation options, which they will probably do on their phone.  Then they  is make sure it is applicable for the whole family.  So, don’t do something mom or dad will hate.  And the third thing is, they do the research on how much it costs.  It is not like they are paying for it, but the hope is they will appreciate the experience a bit more when they actually know what they are spending.

We did this with our oldest last year.  He said, “Dad I did the research.  It costs $75.  It’s going to be great.  It’s this inflatable ball thing where we roll down a hill.”  So we drive through this trailer park in the back woods of Missouri and we get to this barn where this guy has dug out a huge ditch all the way down this hill with a tractor.  So we squeeze through this tiny hole to get into this inflatable ball (Beth and I did it together), we clamp each other in and the guy just literally kicks the ball down the hill.  You could just hear my sons laughing hysterically.  I was horrified.  We got to the bottom, alive, but with our hearts racing a mile a minute.  It was a great memory and our son got to own that.  

#2 Money Up Front For Extras

So what is an extra.  You know when you are on a road trip and you stop at a convenience store for fuel and next thing you know everyone grabs chips and a soda?  That is an extra.  Or, you know when you are at an amusement park and you want to get a souvenir? You came for the experience not the stuffed animal, so that is an extra.  So up front you explain to your children how much money you will give them for extras each week.  Explain the total amount and then…let it go. Say, “This is your money for extras.  If you spend it all in your first two days, oh well!”  So, it teaches the kids how to make their money go farther.  And, here is the opposite side to that.  Some kids are afraid to spend money so you tell them, “This is your vacation money, you have to spend this money this week.”  If they don’t spend it they have to give it back to you.  So we want to make sure we teach both the Spenders and the Savers.  

#3 Describe Your Money Anxiousness Before The Trip

Often times there is one parent who is really anxious about spending money so they talk about it the whole time and spoil the trip.  Things like, “Oh my gosh!  I can’t believe we are going to do that it costs so much money.”  It ruins the trip for everybody.  And what that teaches your child is that the trip is all about money, but the trip is really about memories, fun, and family.  So talk about your money anxiousness before the trip because that teaches your child that it is okay to have money anxiousness but you need to talk about it, get it out, set it aside, and then go have your fun vacation.  

As we age, we’ll never say, “I’m sure glad we never took any vacations with the kids.”

Yes, trips take some work to plan and it takes money, but memories are truly priceless. Every moment won’t be filled with smiles and rainbows and thankful kids, but some moments will be. And those moments will make it all worthwhile. Involve them in the planning, give them an opportunity to budget some funds, and share how you feel about money and you’ve made a memory and helped your son or daughter take steps toward a positive financial future.

Now that’s worth it!

Scott & Bethany Palmer

 

How To Make School Shopping Stress Free

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The average family spends close to $700 on back-to-school shopping. After Christmas, this is the biggest investment a family will make all year.

You know your kids and their teachers work hard at school, so you want them to have the supplies they need. But each year the back-to-school list seems to grow and grow and grow!

Here are three “extra credit” steps for stress-free back-to-school shopping.

How to Make School Shopping Stress-Free

  1. Make a PLAN – Consult your school’s supply list and do an estimate of how much each item is going to cost. Then calculate a total. Office supply websites, Amazon, or even Walmart ads can help you get an idea of costs. Each grade is different. You could go in planning $400 and end up spending $600. Who has an extra $200 just lying around for school supplies? An overage of that size is sure to upset someone when you come home with less cash because you had not planned on it.
  2. You don’t have to buy everything right now! – They put all the back-to-school items out in July but the longer you wait, the better deal you are going to get.   Before the first bell rings, retailers already want to clear that stuff off of their floor. Even better, wait a week or two until after school starts and pick up what you need for this year and next.

    42753489 - family buying school satchel or bag in store preparing for first day in school

    42753489 – family buying school satchel or bag in store preparing for first day in school

  3. Don’t go shopping alone! Make sure you bring your kids. This is the best financial planning education you can give your kids. Do they really need the brand name crayons? The new backpacks are cool, but do they need it? They can put some of their money for that backpack they really love!

Kids today are learning far more advanced material than you and I did at that age for sure! But let’s show them how smart we are by saving on back-to-school shopping this year.

Go Deeper:

Your child’s next step is college? Check out 3 proven strategies to getting your kids out of the house and into college!

Speaking of giving your children a financial education, discover a great way to get your kids to be more generous!

Are you shocked by your kid’s spending habits? This could be the reason why!

3 Ways to Make Lasting Family Memories

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Handling your money doesn’t have to be stressful. Your money can actually help you create lasting memories in your life.   The benefit of spending money is an investment in creating memories for your family.

tmc-2016-06-29

How to Use Your Money to Create Small, Medium, and Large Last Memories:

  1. Small Memories – You can go to free events in your community but be okay with spending money on yourself, your spouse, and your family. When you get there you will spend money on food, photos, and other small items. Expect these and don’t feel bad about them. Every other week we take our boys to play water basketball and then out to dinner. They count on these families dates still, even though they are getting older. This type of spending creates lasting memories for your kids.
  2. Medium Sized Memories – Medium sized memories are the ones that you create that often have an element of surprise. Think of what a medium sized special activity would be. For example, take your kids out of school once or twice a year. Surprise them and take them on an overnight adventure! These types of medium sized memories will become embedded in your kids brains for a lifetime!46451477 - take a selfie with funny faces
  3. Large Sized Memories – Once a year you really do need to do something large with the family. Make it a great investment. We just got back from Spain, kid-free! You can create these memories through road trips, Disney trips, etc. If you want to do something next year start now. If you do a large memory spur of the moment you miss the fun of planning and excitement leading up!

Remember, take some time to plan and invest in your family memories!

 

Go Deeper:

A medium sized memory would fit great into Spring Break! Get some practical tips here!

Start planning your large memory for Summer Vacation now! Here are some great tips!

Does quantity of memories really matter if you have quality memories with your kids?

 

Thankful Leaves. A Fun Idea to Focus Your Thoughts

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Scott and I were attending a parenting conference where the speaker reminded us how important it is to instill a thankful heart into our children.

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