We were talking to a couple yesterday (we’ll call them Sean and Tiffiny) about last year’s painful gift-giving experience. They know now that Sean is a Security Seeker/Spender and Tiffiny is a Saver/Security Seeker. Last Christmas they had a knockdown, yelling match because Sean had finally “had it.”
Each holiday, Sean works hard at being thoughtful when giving her gifts. He really thinks it through (What can she use? What’s going to last?), not giving much attention to the cost of the item, which reflects his Money Personality—a Primary Security Seeker. He was sure the new Kindle reader he got her for Christmas was the perfect gift: She loves books; She’s often traveling; She likes to have many different books going at the same time … Perfect!
But the first thing Tiffiny said when she opened the gift … wait for it … “Wow hon! I really like it, but how much did this cost?!” (a comment that very easily falls from a Saver’s mouth). His response? “Why do you ALWAYS ask me how much something costs? Who cares?!” Unfortunately, someone in this scene does care … and cares very much.
The story does have a happy ending … They had a fa-la-la AHA moment! Sean and Tiffiny began watching our TV clips from our Money Couple Minutes and identified their Money Personalities. They were very excited to tell us about the next gift-giving event that occurred in their relationship—Tiffiny’s birthday. It was the first holiday without a fight. Yay!
What was different? Sean really listened to Tiffiny’s little hints about items that she “needed” and this time worked extra hard at getting a “smokin’” deal. He gave her a new shop vac and spent hours researching to get the best deal. The minute she opened it her eyes sparkled and she thought, “He gets me!” Then he added, “And hon, I got the best deal in town!” More sparkles! She put the box down and gave him a big ol’ hug. This gift totally spoke HER language, NOT HIS. She was whistling and giddy the rest of the night—not to mention every time she used her new shop vac. It goes to show you, we all benefit when we learn each others’ Money Personalities and how to speak them.
Do you know your spouse’s Money Personalities? Are you speaking theirs—or yours—this holiday season? As you pour yourself some eggnog, think about the last gift you gave your spouse … did it “speak” to you? … or to them? (Tweet-worthy?)
Make it Happen!
Scott and Bethany Palmer